Up and Down

These days are the worst. I mean, weather-wise at least. The temperatures are always up and down, and no one is sure if it's spring just yet. Winter still wants to keep going, but spring is right around the corner. I hate these days. I can never figure out if I should turn the AC or the heat on. I'm pretty sure I've done both in my car one day.

And today isn't much better, but the positive is that it's at least warm outside. Today sucks for other reasons though. Today a year ago I was left at the altar. It's a funny story, actually.

You see my fiance- or should I say ex-fiance? I'm never really sure- had been diagnosed with cancer. This is way before we met, years in fact. But during that treatment, her boyfriend at the time left her. And no- he didn't come back and she wasn't having an affair with the doctor.

She had been going through a lot and wound up meeting another man who also had cancer at the hospital, and wound up smoking weed with him to help get by. When she got better, she continued smoking. Then started dealing on the side a bit. Marijuana is expensive.

Then during all of this, I met her at a friend's party. No drugs, it wasn't my thing. She actually hid it from me up until the wedding day. I still have yet to figure out how, but she was still using and selling. And the cops actually say she used the money to pay for the wedding, which explains so much more than you know.

Well, she got busted for selling some hours before. Unfortunately, no one knew because of her being very strict about who could talk to her or see her- so somehow no one was smart enough to piece together she wasn't even in the church before we started. Not even the worst part though. The worst part is that her dealer paid for her bond, then they skipped town together. On the day of our wedding. Well, the police said it was day or two after she was out- but she's a wanted fugitive now. Would not have seen that coming.

And what's even worse? I didn't see her parents suddenly showing up at my work. Shopping in my store.

"Rick? Oh my goodness, Rick!" Her mother always called me Rick even though my name was Richard and most people called me Rich or Dick. I guess Rick was her combination of the two.

"Betty? Devon? Hey how are you guys?"

"We're doing good, c'mere give me a hug." It was the most awkward hug I had ever given an older woman.

"You lose weight there, champ?" Devon- her father- always had teased me about my weight. "Ah of course ya did, c'mere and give the old man a hug too." This was the most awkward hug I had ever given someone.

"So what are you guys in here for?"

"Well, you know Pat's sister Ashley? She's engaged to her boyfriend Allen now, and we wanted to get them a nice new bed for their apartment. She's still using her futon from her college apartment days," she said with a laugh.

"Wow- Ashley and Allen are engaged? Good for them. I haven't seen either of them since uh. Well."

"Oh right, right." They said it in unison, an awkward fog now surrounding them for realizing how we came to know each other. It was funny, because they didn't even know it when saying the name Pat. My ex-fiance.

"Well, it was good seeing you guys. Hey, when you guys check out tell them to call me I'll make sure to give you the family discount."

"Oh well thank you."

"Yeah thank you, champ. You don't have to do that."

"Consider it something to help you help those two. Take care guys."

I walked away. I was surprised at myself, almost proud. I had successfully spoken to my ex-fiance's parents. But by the time I sat in my office later, it had sunk in. A year later, I was in the same place I had been before. I was the manager of a store that I hated. I had plans to go to school, but without Pat and her supporting me financially I couldn't. And everyone I had known at one point, had continued on without me. Everyone that was friends with both of us, her family. All just gone from my life. It feels eerie to say that.

One year ago they sat and watched the worst moment of my life. I held back the tears I had. There was nothing I could do to bring her back, and even if I could she had changed into something I didn't want.

What puzzled me more is all the people who were good friends with us and not with me. I hadn't seen Peter in forever. Curtis and Hope said they would still like to hang out, and that didn't happen. Rachel and Derek suddenly disappeared from my life. I got on Facebook and looked them all up, went through their pictures and saw them all hanging out. My invite lost in the back of their heads.

I picked up the phone to call my friend Trisha, only to realize she was living with her boyfriend Earl now. They wouldn't have time to hang out or do anything.

I sat in my office for hours, the store quiet and being shut down without my guidance. I reminisced, I longed for the past, and I admittedly cried a little. An entire year, and for me not much felt like it had changed for the better.

Then in the minutes before the last person was getting ready to leave the store, it hit me. It was like some crazy TV show where you watch the main character. And at some point, an actor gets tired and leaves the show. Sometimes they kill the character off, sometimes they get on a bus somewhere. Just like life, characters come and go. Today I am a main character in certain people's lives at the furniture store. In a year, I might not be.

What fascinated me was how quickly time moved. Because before I knew it, it was time to go.

"Hey Rich, everything is good to go. You need me to lock up or are you planning to?"

"I can lock up. Was just about to grab my coat. Thanks."

"It's actually not too bad outside, you probably won't need your coat."

"I hate days like these. You never know what the weather is like."

"That's life for ya."

It sure is.

SOPA/PIPA and why we're joining the blackout

If you have been under a rock, or just don't pay attention to politics, there are new bills sitting in Congress that are going to potentially hurt the Internet if signed into law. Those bills are known as SOPA (Stop Online Piracy Act) and PIPA (PROTECT IP Act).

I am not going to write an article on what these are and why they are bad, that has been done to death all over the Internet. You can read up on Wikipedia's reasons here. To put it simple: SOPA/PIPA is bad legislation that could be used poorly if implemented. It would hurt the Internet, and we don't want to hurt the Internet. What has it ever done to us?

OK OK, it did Rick Roll us but- c'mon. Who doesn't leave that song in a way you love that annoying kid next door?

What's more concerning isn't that this bill is being debated. It's that, in a time when the economy is in the crapper, our millionaire Congress is talking legislation that helps big businesses. Don't you guys have more important things you should be working on, like- oh I don't know- creating jobs or getting people back to work? Fixing our tax system, healthcare system, job market, and yeah let's throw in elections as well. Instead, we the people have to fight to keep our Internet- the last place we have left open- from being managed.

The Internet can't be managed. Proxy servers exist, and banning those sites hurts our first amendment rights. You will simply be creating a black market Internet, where people who want to surf the web freely will find a way. It's like banning alcohol, people drank anyways. You put giant warning labels on cigarettes, people smoke anyways and some pick the habit up. You tell kids Just Say No to drugs, and they try them anyways. And with the Internet, you better believe a lot more people will start to get pissed off about SOPA/PIPA if they can't go to a certain website because of it.

We will be joining the blackout at midnight for 24 hours. Wikipedia, the Cheezburger Network, Reddit, Mozilla, and BoingBoing will also be joining. Those are the big names so far. Other opponents include (from Wikipedia:) Google, Yahoo!, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, AOL, LinkedIn, eBay, Roblox, Reporters Without Borders, Electronic Frontier Foundation, the ACLU and Human Rights Watch. We are hoping more of them join the blackout.

Until then dear visitors and readers, I will see you on Thursday.

Holes

I feel empty, as if something is missing.
Not to seem stupid, or like I'm all pissy.
It's not like hunger- that's empty with pain.
And yeah it's painful- it's just not the same.
And it's not that I'm sad, more disappointed.
And I'm not mad, I just feel annoyed and distorted.

I don't want to seem emo, or be pessimistic.
But this is my life, gotta be realistic.
I admit I have issues, up in my head
Make me think things are real that I've said
I resort to my fantasies, few times I write them.
But with this empty feeling, I've lost total sight then.

There's no easy way to fill this thing in.
I try finding jobs, but the market is thin.
I make my own projects, but then they get stopped
And all I had worked on winds up being dropped.
Friends are great to have on your side
But some are too busy, and hanging subsides.
Family is nice, but it too is like friends,
Life just keeps going and never really ends.

I know what this hole is, but I'd rather not say
It's hard to explain it, might take all day.
I won't fill it for probably some time,
but if it matters- it's always on my mind.
I can work towards making everything else better,
but I hope this hole doesn't go unfilled forever.

In Response: A Ghost Hunter Review, Kings Island

My fellow blogger/colleague/etc. John Stegeman wrote over on his blog about Ghost Hunters coming to Kings Island and his review of the show. I decided to respond here, in part because there's not much written on the site this year (hey, I'm writing a movie- give me some slack!).

A little background: John and me worked in the shops at Kings Island together in summer of '08. Thanks to the Internet, we have kept in contact since that time finding we both have a love of journalism and writing. I unfortunately never got another chance to work at Kings Island, but my one summer there was definitely an eye opening experience.

A little more background: if you haven't read my past article about my paranormal experiences, I have ghost hunted before. In high school I co-founded a ghost hunting team, and tried numerous places. I have always been interested in the paranormal- and ghosts are some of the most interesting things to come out of my experiences.

Now down to business. I have to agree with John on one thing: the show was not that great. The reactions, the timing, it was just typical Ghost Hunters crap. I get the idea: seven days and that's all they got? But we tend to forget a lot of things about reality TV shows.

First, this is a TV show. They might be interested in trying to find evidence of ghosts - but their first priority is to make an interesting TV show. And honestly, a lot of things they claim to see I think is bunk due to a now infamous live Halloween show. If they are going as far as they do for a Halloween show, I don't see why they wouldn't for recording a show.

This would easily explain why it took them seven whole days to shoot. The seven days was not an investigation necessarily, as most of the investigation seemed to all take place on one night as it was always storming. The crew likely stayed for a total of seven days, shot a bunch of footage, and then used very little of it. This footage would probably include the splices you see between the teams "hunting" and a lot of footage from the intro.

John also claims he believes the claim that an old cartridge factory sat on the land is false, and it sat next to the land. I cannot disprove his assumption, but I can give more details into the history.

The Peters Cartridge Factory (not the Kings Powder Company, or any other name used) was founded just north east of the park across the Little Miami River. The area surrounding the factory, Kings Mill, was actually a town founded solely for the workers. Kings Island is a part of Kings Mill- meaning it was built upon that same ground. One thing I can't find information on though is the story of the explosion that killed 11 people. The story is that in 1890 a train car collided with two load cars full of gun powder- creating a massive explosion. This explosion could be heard for miles around the town, destroyed the original building and some of the buildings around it, and killed 11 people.

What you find interesting is that the building now has no sign of train tracks near it. This could mean one of two things: the story was fabricated, as no reliable sources are currently found on it or the explosion didn't occur near the building that stands now. If the latter is true, the explosion very well could have taken place somewhere in the Kings Mill vicinity- including land that the park now sits on.

Finally, John has issues with ignoring several of the other stories in the park. If you have ever read up on all of the stories- you probably have missed some. Even I just came to learn about Black Sunday- in which was the day in which three people died in the park in two separate occasions back in 1991. He also felt Tower Johnny- a kid who in 1983 was killed near/on the Eiffel Tower after hours, was left out. They seemed to focus mostly on the girl in the blue dress, and ignored that (from what I have read) she mostly shows up in the water park. John claims this is likely limitations by Kings Island. I would beg to differ, to an extent.

The water park limitation would be obvious- as they are currently rebuilding the water park and wouldn't want anyone to see anything too big before it's done. They also ignored all of the stories of who died while at the park. The little girl is the only big story and she died before the park was built.

Tower Johnny was killed while climbing the Eiffel Tower and either being cut by wire cables or falling to his death. Black Sunday was three different deaths at the fault of the park. Racer Boy was supposedly a death from one of the carts on the Racer back at Coney Island, in which he fell out. There are tons of deaths at the park, and tons of spirits- but do you want to scare people into going into the park if the rides have killed people? No. That's likely why they first stuck to these stories.

What I have to disagree on is that it probably wasn't just Kings Island PR that did this. The show needs to have a focus, and with less than 30 minutes to show they had to pick and choose what stories to do. If they chased after every story of a ghost, the show would turn into a movie long marathon. Most likely they asked to stick to one or two stories, and PR went with the best ones to showcase the park and not make anyone fear them. I'd be interested in seeing them come back for another show, or inviting another team in to do an investigation that lasts the entire show and not just part of it.

One thing I want to say though, John, is this: you have to realize that with all the stories you've heard over the time you were there- there might not be anything substantial to them. My summer there I had nothing abnormal happen to me. I remember I was there one night until 1 AM, one of the last people to leave the park. Before I worked there, in high school I was given a tour by PR for an article in our high school newspaper. I got to go around and take pictures during the day when the park was totally empty. I never saw anything strange then either, and we walked through the woods behind the Racer and Flight of Fear. Never once did I see anything strange or paranormal (and back then I was looking for it hard).

There was only one incident that happened there that even today seems strange. I never really thought about it much since then, but all the talk got my mind back to that day. I had gone for Fearfest back in high school, about a year or two before the tour of the park. At the end of the day, we were looking around the candy store (ironic, since John ran that shop when I worked there) when numerous times my friend Eric and me saw this little girl walking by the doors. She was probably around 8-10 years old, in an older looking outfit, with what I at the time thought was white makeup. After seeing her constantly, he talked me into following her to see what she was up to. Now, at this time there was no kid's area for Halloween and it was blocked off. They asked you to not dress up in the park either. And I don't believe the park hires child actors (John would have to back me up on that one though). So why would a little girl, in a strange outfit, be at the park? And why was she walking past where we were so many times? And why did she have such an expressionless face?

Following her we watched her go towards the kid area, a darkened pathway that was quiet. My friend claimed he saw her disappear, but I saw her walk into the first aid area near there. The thing is, I don't remember seeing her open the door- only walk towards it and up to the door. It wasn't the girl in the blue dress, but thinking about it now raises questions in my mind. The obvious answer is: it was Halloween. But hey- with all of the spirits there who really knows?

What we do know is that Ghost Hunters didn't do a very good job at the park. I would personally like to offer my own ghost hunting abilities to the park, and I gladly will assemble a team to do so. I'm sure John would be more than willing.

Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012

I'm going to be a little self-involved here. A reflection on 2011. A reflection on life.

Coming into 2011 I had my eyes set on the world. I had just graduated from college. I had a fantastic and beautiful girl by my side. I had a- soon to be- full time job to pay for bills. And my friends were there for me like another family.

I remembered in January I met my then girlfriend's parents- an honest first for me. I spent the day with her and her family- and at the end of the day I was looking forward to the rest of the year. The irony is that day was meant to be the worst of the year by some strange superstition. And little did I come to find out, for me it was both good and bad.

About a week or so later, I was single. I had put a lot of trust into her and it broke me up pretty bad. I didn't know who to trust anymore. She had broken my heart, and even longtime friends couldn't convince me everything would be OK. I hit one of the darkest parts of my life- every day felt like hell. I wanted to die. I trusted no one, not even myself.

I had held onto things for years that made me this way. Friends that had done me wrong, I had never let go of those times. I didn't let go of what I had done to some of them either. I felt like a liar, a person who treated them two different ways. It didn't help that I was depressed, not trusting, and weary of what everyone told me.

People had, at this point, become awful. I wanted humanity to burn. Instead, I decided I wasn't going to let the world control me. I burnt myself instead. Instead of letting everyone's secrets out, I let my own. And many were grievances I held for years that I apologized for wholeheartedly. And I came to doing this more often. My actions need to be accounted for, and if I feel as though they haven't I will try my best to account for them. To forgive myself for my mistakes, and forgive others for theirs.

Life didn't go well for me because of this. A fire burns hot and quick. It leaves destruction in it's path. People claimed I was burning bridges. I claimed I was strengthening them by no longer lying to myself or to them. I saw a lot of people for who they really were. And I watched as they walked away from me, abandoned our friendship. The fire burned bridges I never intended to burn, but a part of me is glad they did. Some of the people who I cared for deeply walked away from me in a time of need, and for that I see no reason to keep them around.

This eventually ended in April of 2011. I finished my apologies, and let go of other's wrongdoings on me, and I lived life. I made amends with a few people who figured out what it really was I was doing. And I watched as people took sides in a war with no real battles. When a ship capsizes, everyone takes a side.

In April I was also able to release my second book of short story collections. It was a great compilation and I'm glad to have it out and on Amazon. It was soon after I also launched this site officially- giving it a .com name.

The summer months brought me the joy of the outdoors again. The joy of taking photos. And the start of new paths. I began to freelance, eventually starting my freelance network later in the year. I began my two plus month project of Smash Board, eventually gaining over 10,000 hits on YouTube.

That was in August. I laid low for a bit working on various projects until in September I found the King of the Nerds audition. I thought: a reality TV show? Why not give a shot? It can't hurt much. An initial email turned into a video that everyone claims is hilarious (and true nonetheless). And I (hopefully) am still in the running for the show and look forward to hearing more about it this year.

In October I began preparing for Halloween- and the invention of my first horror character: Dr. Mendall. Weaving him into the stories of other pop culture, he worked well- despite the story in the end being a flop in the number of hits it garnered (sorry Doc).

November I began working on what I am currently working on: a movie script. Inspired by the movie 50/50, I got ideas flowing through my head. I got friends involved. And now more and more people want to be involved in it as they find out about it.

This was a brief synopsis of how my year has gone. From project to project, story to story- I will do my best to update my fans. And I will always answer an email if anyone ever is interested in wondering what I'm up to and doesn't really know me.

But what I have learned from this past year is that you can't stop trying. No matter what you do, don't stop trying. If you need a reboot, then reboot. I have more reboots than you could imagine. I have gone from seeing the American dream as rubbish to moving towards that dream again.

People have always told me they expected something big out of me. Family, friends, acquaintances. They know I dream big.

Discovering your dreams before you wake up is just the hard part.